If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
