He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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