I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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