that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
