Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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