So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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