She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
