I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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