theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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