if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
