I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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