I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
