Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
