How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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