omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You're like the curious george of whores
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
