my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
