i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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