he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
