I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
