I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
