I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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