I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
