I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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