No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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