Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
