i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
