I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
