i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the condom got lost in my hair
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
