Just mADE A PArabola og urine
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
