she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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