hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
