OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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