I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
