if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
