Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
