she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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