If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
