Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
