My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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