she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
