If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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