..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
