Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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