were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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