i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
