I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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