I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
