i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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