I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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