She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
