Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
